Black Hole

Ergh. I really don't want to think about life right now - much less school. But of everything, there is no way in hell I want to think about relationships. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get away from those nasty little problems, so here I am, ranting about how I don't want to think about life, school, or relationships.

To make a long, drawn-out, complicated, and rather confusing story short: the guy I like asked the girl he likes to Homecoming today. And, if I had wanted to, I could have convinced him not to quite easily - he kept asking during first period if I thought he was making the right choice. For crying out loud, WHY THE HELL WAS HE ASKING ME?! Ergh. This probably isn't coming out too clearly, but it works. Anyways, the guy I like asked the girl he likes to Homecoming, and she accepted. All that really means is a) I'm a loser and fail miserably at life (which is sort of a given), b) they're both really happy in that whole love thing, and c) I'm being absolutely ignored 24/7 because, now that he has a girlfriend, he doesn't need a girl friend. (If that doesn't make sense, read it again. Still not make sense? Well, here, I'll explain: He has a girlfriend now, which makes me, his friend who just happens to be a girl, completely null. Void. Useless. Insert whatever word you want here.)

All that essentially adds up to one big ball of I-hate-life.

Oh, and did I mention? Ex-boyfriend number 1 (Jordan) refuses to get the idea that just MAYBE I'd like to be left alone for once. He keeps following me around, EVERYWHERE, and making up all this crap about how he doesn't mind being late to class if it means he gets to hang out with me. And for some stupid reason, he seems to think I'm his 'Best Friend' - what the heck? He doesn't even know anything about me!

Needless to say, I'm fed up with life. It sucks. I'm tired of trying. And for fuck's sake, I'm tired of being the 'last resort', the person everyone else thinks they can turn to when everything else is gone. I'm tired of being forgotten and ignored, then suddenly talked to because someone needs help on math homework, or so-and-so doesn't know if they should ask so-and-so out. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being hurt, of being pushed aside, discarded without a thought when someone else is found who can fill the place I once held better. I'm tired of having no real friends I can talk to and hang out with and just be myself with; I'm tired of having to pretend to be someone I'm not around everyone just because the person I really am is 'unacceptable' to them.

I'm tired of everything. I just want it to end...