Hating Life

Ergh...I hate guys. And how they always manage to complicate things. And how oblivious they are. And...I don't know what to say. Things are so confusing, so hectic, so out of control right now. I guess I'll just try to retell it from the beginning.

So I've said how this guy I like has been ignoring me for the past few weeks, right? The only times we've talked, it's been because he needs help on math, or because we're working on a history thing together - always about school, nothing else. Then yesterday, he asked the girl he likes to Homecoming, and after that he completely ignored me for the rest of the day. Well, today we happened to meet up before first period, and I was listening to loud music so I didn't hear him the first few times he said 'Hi'. Finally, he poked me and asked if I was purposefully ignoring him.

I don't know why - ok, I kind of do - but that just set me off; feeling really pissed, I snapped - none too kindly - "At least I'm not ignoring everyone all the time."

Needless to say, that kind of killed the conversation for a while. Nevertheless, he kept shooting me worried looks for the first part of first period, which I ignored, until he finally wrote something on a piece of paper and passed it to me.

I won't copy what we said on there - it's personal, private, and some of the things were rather special... - but basically he said he was sorry and wanted to know what he had to do to make things go back to how they were, to which I said there was no way to return to the past. We argued over that for a while, until finally we got onto the subject of what he'd done that had messed things up. He denied ever letting me down, but I told him to think about it for a while, and guess what his first response was?

"Did you want me to ask you to the dance?"

Oh wow. I swear, my mind froze at that question - I mean, yeah, I really like him, as more than a friend and all - but he's never exactly been too knowledgeable when it comes to noticing things like that (I should know; I've liked him for two whole years, and this is the first I've heard anything suggesting anything more than friendship). Regaining my voice - and my lost mind - I answered, "I know better than to hope for something that will never happen."

I have no clue how he took that, but the conversation died there as the teacher started saying something. (You know, the sort of 'something' that no one really listens to.)

After that, we had to rush off to third period - there wasn't any break between the two - but before I went into my class, he gave me a sort of half-hug and said "Thanks for giving me a second chance."

Wow, was today a day of surprises! I have no clue what I said; all I know is my heart was racing. I stumbled into my classroom, collapsing eagerly into my chair as my knees gave out. And no, I'm not exaggerating; I literally could not stand. I wondered why he'd done that all period, and when class got out, he had another guess as to what he'd done to let me down. This one was a bit more realistic, more along the lines of what I thought he'd guess: he asked if it was because he had been ignoring me for the past week except to talk about math.

Well, duh! Most people - girls especially - hate being ignored. Sometimes, he can be absolutely oblivious, I swear...

He said he'd stop ignoring me and not talk about math anymore (he even caught himself when, two minutes later, he started to ask a question about the previous night's homework), but that didn't last too long; we passed by the group his date hung out with, and he vanished to talk to her.

Not much happened for the rest of the day...although I did have front-row seats in a makeout session between Brian and his new girlfriend. Oh joy.

Seeing that actually really hurt, to be honest. It hurt a lot more than I thought it would; I honestly broke down and started crying. A friend of mine noticed and came over to sit next to me, asking what was wrong, and he started ranting about how Brian was, well, insert-insult-of-choice-here. It was really therapeutic, but it didn't get rid of all the pain; the minute I got home, I swear I broke down and just cried for a half hour straight. I hate being emotional...