Gods above, just shoot me now - let me die, don't make me go through this. I love him - I love him so, so much. And when he falls apart like this, reaching for her, I can't help but break down. I'm his friend - so I have to be there for him, support him, comfort him, offer support for him when things go wrong.
But gods, why does it have to be like this? They've been broken up for months - almost ten months now - and he still can't move on, won't move on. He still loves her, even after all this time. And when I ask him what's wrong, why he's looking so down, he tells me...everything. And all I can do is help him, support him, give him a smile and tell him it'll be all right, try and help him patch things up with her...
...even though every word I say tears at my heart, making me shake with tears and clouding my vision.
Every time the subject's brought up - whether in passing conversation or in a deep, heart-wrenching confession like now - I tell myself, "I'm not going to do this to myself anymore. Either I tell him now, or I get over him." And every time, I make a promise to myself - I won't talk to him until I get it figured out.
And every time, something happens - he gives me that special smile, we pass in the hallways and he calls out, he asks if we can work together on math notes - and my heart melts once more, completely under his unknowing control.
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