A New Beginning of Sorts

Well, here I go again. The past few days have been a bit enlightening for me (I'll explain in a moment) and they've helped me realize - no, remember - to take a step back and not get too emotionally involved in the world around me. You see, I'm a really emotional person; the slightest thing makes me cry, and sometimes I get the irresistible urge to just blow up, to scream and shout and throw things and just let it all out. And because I'm so emotional, I tend to get too involved in day to day life and forget that there's more to life than just high school.

As for what caused this enlightenment, there are a few reasons - but one stands out above them all, as much for its effect as for its simplicity. Yesterday after school, I had to walk to the county library so I could tutor some people, and a friend was heading there as well so he offered to walk with me.

What we said, what we did, that doesn't matter so much; what sticks in my mind is how I felt. While I wouldn't go so far as to say that it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, how I felt during those ten or twenty minutes is something I haven't felt in a while. For once, I felt...at peace. Or rather, not at peace, just...I wasn't freaking out about a test, or the tons of homework I had, or how it felt like my life was falling apart. I was just existing, just living and taking life as it came, laughing at his jokes and making a few of my own, chatting about how so-and-so was, how such-and-such a teacher was horrible, just...talking. And it felt good.

I tried explaining this to a friend, but I don't think she understood; maybe this sort of experience is the sort of thing that only a few people really have. So now, sitting at my computer and stressing over the tons of homework I have due tomorrow, I close my eyes and think back to those few minutes, when life was simple and straightforward, when love and hate meant nothing, when all that mattered was that we were alive and could still make bad jokes.

So, although I think I've said this before, I'm going to try just restarting my life and remembering that day. I'll take it as it comes, freak out with friends when we have a test in five minutes, laugh with friends when something good happens, cry with friends when things go wrong, and never let my emotions get tied to my life.